Am sitted in a cafe, just a block away from my house and am in tears. I need warmth, love to light and lift my soul. Am tired of being with strangers and saying that it is okay. There has got to be something to go back to : and this is it forme. I thought that for a while my hurts, joys, pains and victories I would keep away from the rest of the world. Thus the reason that I have not been writing here. Writing to me is a chimney theough where I let the smoke out. I definitely hope to be better after this. Over the last few days I have resorted to writing a journal: A tagebuch it is called this side of the world. And that has worked so far. I hope that I can keep up with it.

I have just returned from a great weekend from Munchen. And I got back to an empty apartment. I had an amzing trip, the kind you want to tell everyone about. I most definately made the best of it, I dined and stayed in a 4star hotel , visited the top of Germany the ZugSptize and all.  However interesting to note is that none of that really matters at the moment. Why ? because that is not what makes life life. The people in our lives are worth celebrating all the time: This is a lesson that I am learning.Well, looks liek I am going to have to work hard to be recognised again: taht is by the people I thought I mattered to. Now: question is: Am I up to it?

I have watched a couple of people drift away and I cannot  stop them, I cannot fight for them. I think that it has  alot to do with distance. What I do not understand though is why it has to be so.I know that I am far away: but what happened to distance making the haert grow fonder? Definitely Out of sight , out of mind works here.
But I have also seen the opposite, I get people asking how I am doing. I get strange people never been in my Close circles before trying to keep in  touch. And that I am greatful for. It keeps me. Knowing that you are loved and thought of is priceless.

What I keep wondering about though is why people do not take the time to fan the flame in their midst. Freindship light a glow in one’s heart: A glow that is supposed to be kept alive. If it is not kept alive, it definitely goes out. Apart from My Family that have kept in touch almost everyday. the people that I thought were close I nolonger see. And I am not going to fight. As people always say: maybe the universe is saying something…. Hmm guess i need to listen, real close.

Just came across someone called Tracy Chapman: If she was not black I could say that she is a sisiter to the legendary (for me) Gary Chapman. Amy Grant’s ex-husband: He writes amazing songs. Tracy Chapman is good too: Songs like: Almost, Change, All that you have is your soul and many more: She sings from the Soul and I hope that I can adapt some of the truth she sings about.

And to you that is reading this: thank you for taking the time: definately grateful. Just learn to appreciate the people in your life, that is if you have any. And if you do not : start looking, not only do you need them, but they need you. There will be a time in your life, when all else will not matter, When it will not be about how many degrees you carry and how many languages you speak, or how many countries you have ever been to: It will about the one universal language: The language of love: Can you speak it, can you recieve it, but most importantly: Can you give it?

Love ya all.

xx